Ashen Tears
by Amara the Warrior
Summary: She never wanted this disease. She never wanted to help him. Now she was being forced to do both...


_This is dedicated to my beautiful sister Layla. She struggles with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. In her honor, this story is based on Quistis's struggles with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. _

_I don't own Final Fantasy VIII._

"_No hay ningún remedio para el amor pero amar más…"_

I really hated people. It always seemed like I was destined to fail. I always tried but it seemed like it was never good enough. I was so angry…and so tired. My body felt so weak. I just wanted to fall over and sleep. Whenever I slept a long time, it was never enough. I would wake up more tired than I was before having slept that long. What was wrong with me? I was so tired of all of this bullshit!

My name was Quistis Trepe. I was supposed to be in the time of my prime. I was supposed to be having fun. I was supposed to be like all the other girls. This couldn't have been farther from the truth. I was bedridden, weak, and I couldn't do anything. What was a name if you couldn't do anything with it?

_"Crea la risa!"_

I was 19 years old. And I was a survivor of a great war. It was the second sorceress war that my people have so valiantly fought. A lot of people died. I used to cry over the deaths but I didn't anymore. What was the point? More people would die. There wasn't much I could do. I was sad, everyone was sad. But there wasn't much for us to do.

Typical 19 year olds went out and partied every weekend. All they worried about was homework and marriage. I was so untypical! I worried about diplomatic conventions, assassinations, war plans and strategic reports! What was wrong with that picture? How did I become this way? How did this life become me?

"_Cuando te gusta alguien, todos sus deseos guardadas hasta empezar a venir fuera."-Elizabeth Bowen_

I was a SeeD agent. I used to be an instructor, but the board deemed me an unfit teacher. So I was stuck as a SeeD agent. SeeDs were mercenary's. They did the job no one else wanted to do. I was that person. I was put in danger every single day. I couldn't say that I didn't enjoy it…because I did. I love the action and excitement. I was raised to do this job. If I did anything else…..I wouldn't feel quite as at home.

This was my life. My blood was composed of this very element. After the war, many cities were ravaged. We paid a high price for winning the war. At least Ultimecia was far away and couldn't hurt anyone ever again. We all feared her. And become I rendered a hand in bringing about her demise, I was akin to being like a God.

_Nunca decir mal de un hombre, si no la sabes de certeza, y si sabe de una certeza y, a continuación, Pregúntese, "¿por qué debo saberlo?'._

In a world of differing ideas and ethnicities….I wasn't sure of who I was. I was so tired of this. I was white. Another word for white was Caucasian. Yes, I was Caucasian. It honestly didn't matter what I looked like. My world just didn't care about that stuff. I wasn't raised to fear people who didn't look like me. I thought it was ridiculous that people did think that. We were all created differently. How come that is so hard to grasp?

I had so many friends from different ideas and cultures. Many of my friends grew up with me at the Garden. They were SeeDs like me. That's what kept us together. We were all banded together for a cause. We were going to eradicate the world of evil. That was our purpose. And so far, we were doing an excellent job.

_Busca algo que falta. La pieza del rompecabezas se ha ido. Desea amor. Deje que el odio ir. Encontrará la paz que busca._

I wasn't a tall woman. I was only about 5'6 inches tall. Most men towered over me. I was thin and blonde. My eyes were a glassy blue. My skin had a cool/warm hue to it. A lot of people considered me beautiful. I didn't always feel beautiful. Especially when I was rejected by the man I loved.

His name was Squall. He was getting married to my best friend Rinoa. I couldn't be mad, because I wanted to be happy for them. But I couldn't be happy because I was watching her walk off with the man I wanted.

_La Biblia contiene las vitaminas para la salud de alma._

I lived alone in an apartment in Balamb. I used to live with a family a long time ago. They abused me and almost killed me. I could no longer stay there. I had to move out and find my own place. I was forced out of the Garden. I decided to find a place close to my workplace.

It wasn't so awful. I did feel lonely at times. I would look out the window and see all the people walking by. They all looked so happy. And then I saw me, and how tired and sick I was. It was so disheartening.

_Amor, el deseo, la armonía y el equilibrio._

I loved the color blue. It was the same color as my eyes. Blue was calming and serene. That was the way I wanted my life to be. I really missed the days when I was not sick. When I didn't feel like I was carrying a load of bricks around with me every day. My problem was I was too calm. I was too tired. I couldn't think, I couldn't move. I felt like giving up right then and there.

If I slept for a million years, it wouldn't make a difference. I was afflicted with the sleeping sickness. Well, that was what I called it. I didn't really know what was wrong with me. I was too afraid to go to the doctor. What they would say….what if it was cancer?

_Nunca abandonar sus esperanzas y sueños._

I didn't have many friends. I wasn't much of a social person. It wasn't that I didn't have any friends, I did. I was best friends with Rinoa and Selphie. Xu and I were casual acquaintances. Zell and I were great friends. I was on okay terms with Irvine. I was hopelessly in love with Squall. I know, I was pathetic wasn't I? My unrequited love with Squall was ripping me apart. I was sent into a deep depression. I wasn't sure if I would ever love again.

I wasn't afraid to love. I wasn't even afraid of rejection. I was just afraid of getting sicker. Even the smallest bit of stress was bad for me. I couldn't worry about anything. My body couldn't handle it. It was a horrible situation.

_Deje el miedo detrás de usted._

I really loved coffee. It was because I was always tired. However, drinking coffee just made the basic malaise worse. I never understood why that was. I just knew there was something wrong with me. But I was tired of fighting the pain. So I fought back. I fought fire with fire. It wasn't healthy and it was pretty damn stupid…but it was all I had. I was tired of being in pain. I wanted to be free.

Next to coffee I loved chewing gum. I didn't always have the appetite to eat. So I shoved gum in my mouth. It was bad for my teeth and just made me feel worse but I was at the end of my rope. I chewed to forget about the pain, I drank coffee so I could function….now everything was screwed up.

_No aceptar a todo el mundo como tu amigo._

I never drank alcohol. Well, never was a strong word. I rarely drank alcohol. I couldn't tolerate alcohol. It usually made me sick. I was nauseous and weak most of the time. Drinking wouldn't relax me, it would just make me more tired and less able to function.

I missed being like all the other women my age. They went out and drank. They had fun. They laughed. I sat around, trying not to fall over. What was wrong with that picture?

_"_ _Por esta razón he de recordar a nuevo kindle el don de Dios que está en usted a través de la imposición de mis manos. __Para Dios no nos ha dado un espíritu de timidez, sino del poder y el amor y la disciplina. Por lo tanto, no avergonzarse del testimonio de nuestro Señor o de mí su prisionero, pero combinación conmigo en sufrimiento para el Evangelio de acuerdo con el poder de Dios, quién ha guardado a nosotros y nos llama con un santo llamamiento, no según nuestras obras, pero de acuerdo a su propia finalidad y la gracia que nos fue concedido en Cristo Jesús desde toda la eternidad…"_

My biggest fear was not waking up. I slept so much. What would happen if I stopped breathing in my sleep? What would happen if I just never woke up from the sleep? This sleeping sickness was scaring the crap out of me. I didn't want to think about that? The whole idea was terrifying. I always heard stories of the elderly passing away in their sleep. I never once thought that could happen to me. I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to experience it.

Dying in sleep was a horrible nightmare. And it was a nightmare that was impossible to awake from. Where did we go when we died? What else was there for us? Death was so terrifying. I was thankful for my magic. It kept me alive when I should have been dead. I never wanted to die.

_La vida saben que mueren, pero los muertos no saben nada; no tienen ninguna recompensa adicional y incluso la memoria de ellos está olvidada._

My one fault was that I cared about what people thought of me. If people didn't like me, I was crushed. If I didn't like them, I was okay. I hated the drama that went on. If I didn't have feelings for a man, everyone knew and judged me for it. If I fell in love with his brother I was the biggest bitch known to man. I couldn't just be myself. I had to carry around the label other people gave me.

I fit in with a group of girls. I thought I would be okay. Then they found out who I really was and rejected me. I hated people who broke mentally ill people just because they didn't think like other people. It was that attitude that forever changed my attitude towards other people.

_"Quien cree que Jesús es el Cristo es nacido de Dios, y quien ama el padre ama al niño nacido de él. Por esto sabemos que amamos a los hijos de Dios, cuando nos amar a Dios y observar sus mandamientos. Para esto es el amor de Dios, que guardamos sus mandamientos; y sus mandamientos no son onerosos. Para todo lo que es nacido de Dios supera el mundo; y esta es la victoria que ha superado el mundo-nuestra fe. ¿Quién es quien supera el mundo, pero quien se cree que Jesús es el hijo de Dios?"_

My best friend was my pet cat Penelope. She was a stray I found on the street. It was a bizarre way in which we met. I was walking along the sidewalk, looking for people that I knew. I felt this furry creature brush up against my leg. I yelled out in alarm and saw that it was a cat. The cat was clearly a stray, and lonely like I was. Without even thinking I took her in. She quickly became the best friend I ever had.

I had a soft spot for cats. They always made me smile. So warm and soft, they were heaven's little angels. I loved Penelope so much. She made living in the apartment a little easier.

_« Usted debe enseñar lo que esté de acuerdo con la doctrina de sonido. »_

I wasn't really sure how I felt about my religion. I believed there was something more, but I wasn't sure what it was. I didn't like the droves of people who were fanatics and attacked people for being different. I didn't want any part in that violence. It was scary.

Before I went to bed each night I wondered what exactly to hope for in the next day. Who to hug and who to cry for was what I hoped I would realize. I hoped I would soon begin to understand the reaches of the universe.

_« Pedir y le dará a usted; buscar y encontrará; llamar a la puerta y se abrirá la puerta a usted. Para todos aquellos que pide reciben; él quien busca encuentra; y le golpea, se abrirá la puerta. »_

I loved to read. That was my favorite pastime. I spent a lot of time in bed so it was okay. It helped me pass the hard times. I just wished they wouldn't pass by so slow.

I was reading a particularly interesting book right now. It was about a hero who had to make a difficult choice. It reminded me of my situation.

"Tómese tiempo para saludar a todo el mundo que cumplir."

I was lonely in more ways than one. I didn't have a boyfriend and I really wanted to have one. It was the affection…I just loved the idea of having affection from another living being. I had a few close friends but none of them were serious, romantic relationships. I really missed Squall! I wanted him back in my life. I wanted him to be my lover.

He was getting married to my best friend. The pain cut so deep. I didn't ever want to admit it to anyone. It was such an awkward subject. I couldn't tell Rinoa the truth. I didn't want her to think I was obsessed with Squall. She looked so happy with him. It was better to stay quiet.

_"Tomar un momento en un momento"._

I was 19. I had no children. My best friend was getting married and would have kids in the next year or two probably. I didn't understand the whole obsession with having children. I probably never would. I wanted to live my life the way I wanted to live it.

Children only complicated things. It was easier to deal with the sickness alone.

_Siembre, hoy en día, lo que desea aprovechar al día siguiente._

I was a strong woman. I worked hard to get where I wanted to be. I never gave up. If someone hurt me I kept on running. I wanted to succeed. I wanted to live.

I wanted to be free. Things had to get better. They couldn't be this horrible forever. I wanted things to change. I just wanted to live a normal life.

_Casualmente a sentir que el grado de inteligencia de una persona se refleja directamente en el número de las actitudes contradictorias que ella puede ejercer sobre el mismo tema._

I hated this disease…whatever it was...

I hated what it was doing to me. I wanted to be free of it forever. The debilitating fatigue, it all had to stop. When was I going to have a normal life?

_Inocencia…._

My secret was I had no secrets. My life was bland. The fatigue took all the excitement away. It was like being squeezed dry. It was a very uncomfortable feeling.

Soaking in water would never get rid of the feeling. The awful feeling wasn't anything to do with literally being squeezed dry. It was my mind giving up.

_Los amantes…_

Rejection was the strongest and most painful memory for me. I was rejected by my parents, I was rejected by Squall too.

I wasn't sure how much more I could take. All this pain….where was the gain?

_Pérdida de tiempo…_

I was ill. I was very ill. And the problem was….I didn't know what was wrong.

Please make this hell stop. Please let me free.

_Odiar a lupus…_

When I was nervous I didn't speak. I didn't try and I just didn't want to be anymore. It was very hard for me.

_Déjame en paz…_

I slept too much. I lived too little. I was going to work hard so that would change.

_Cuando viene... cuando los Ángeles... venga la luz será en su trono._

I was tired but I had to go outside. There was still a job for me to do. I had to get back to the Garden to hear what my new assignment would be. I was hoping I would have someone I knew in my new assignment. Maybe Selphie or Zell? I hoped so, I missed them so much.

We all split up after the war and went into different directions. All I wanted was to see my friends when they were all together again.

It was raining…..the wind was blowing hard. It was going to pour rain all over me! This wasn't going to be fun!

_No buscar gente. No buscar alrededor. No preguntar y no pedir ayuda. __Si te relajas, vendrá. Si usted calmarse, se le mostrará el camino._

I felt bad about leaving poor Penelope behind. I didn't want her to be all alone. Pets weren't allowed on missions and I couldn't break the rules. I kept walking, hoping things would change. I heard a familiar voice behind me. I turned around. I couldn't believe my eyes. Was that really him?

Sure enough, it was Seifer. Seifer Almasy…. He was a student at Balamb garden for many years. He wasn't very well liked and was a bit of a trouble maker. He was said to be majorly involved in the Sorceress war. I couldn't believe he was actually there!  
"Seifer?" I asked in disbelief. "Is that really you?"

He smiled when he saw me. Not a real, sincere smile, but a smug and joking smile. This wasn't going to go well.

_Cielo y tierra fueron creados de la nada._

He laughed when he saw me. "Quistis, holy crap it's been forever!" He looked like he was going to hug me. I hoped to hyne that he would not! The last thing I wanted to do was hug a war criminal.

"Yes it has," I looked at him cautiously. Oh God, I hope he wasn't going to hug me. I didn't want to hug him. "Why are you here?"

"Wow, you're friendly."

"Just answer the question."

"Still trying to order me around, huh?"

"I just want to know why you're here."

He sighed. "Fine," he relented. "If you must know, I'm here to become a soldier. I cleaned my act up and I want to set things right."

_Todo lo que quieras hacer, hacerlo! __Cuando estás muerto, no puede hacer lo que desea hacer._

What he had just said sounded so unlike him. It was so mind boggling. I wondered, was that really Seifer?

"You are coming here to change?" I gasped.

"Yes, that's what I said."

I shook my head in disbelief. "Are you serious?"

"Of course I am."  
"I don't believe you."

"You don't have to believe me. You just have to escort me to Balamb Garden so I can join the army."

He really had changed. I wouldn't be able to stop it now. Once Seifer had his mind set on something, there was no stopping him from achieving his goal.

_Mantener una persona amable, para su kindess da vida a los demás._

It was awkward walking with Seifer. I hadn't seen him in so long. It was such a weird change to see him again. It had been a year since the war ended. I was 19 years old. Seifer was the same age as me.

I wondered if he felt the same way as me….alone and scared. Maybe he hid his fears behind his strength?

Oh I wished I knew what he was really like on the inside.

_No paran nunca amantes de otras personas. __No nunca deja de ser una buena persona. Mantenga siempre su amabilidad con usted._

Seifer and I were never close, but he was probably the closest thing I ever had to a friend. When I said friend, I meant a man friend who I cared about and who also cared about me. It was hard to find people who cared. It was even harder to find people who loved you. You searched for so long, and you always ended up empty handed.

I wanted to go back to a different time. I wanted to go back to a time where everything was a lot simpler. I didn't like where things were going right now. Everything had changed….I wasn't ready for the change. I just wanted everything to stay the same.

_Si mira hacia abajo en las personas que lo peor que le están haciendo, a continuación, una vida feliz no siempre será tuyo._

It seemed that everyone had a significant other except for me. Rinoa was marrying Squall, Selphie was marrying Irvine, and Zell was dating Amara from the library. It always made me feel left out when my friends all had dates and I didn't.

I think it was a peer pressure thing. I always wanted what other people had. I think everyone could relate to this. We all wanted what our friends had. It was human nature. If we didn't have what our friends had, we felt useless.

_No olvide las reglas. No burlarse de Dios. Usted será castigado para hacer las cosas malas. El castigo no significa que usted es una persona mala. Sólo significa que tiene que cambiar._

"Seifer?" I asked quietly. "What happened?"

He looked at me, obviously confused. "What do you mean?"

I sighed. "I mean…why did you betray us?"

"I didn't," he said plainly. "It was a misunderstanding."

_No seas avergonzado de ser una buena persona. __Vivir bien es el primer paso hacia la felicidad._

A misunderstanding was a different concept to grasp. It was when one party was accused of something they did not do. And in trying to clear themselves of guilt, they attempt to prove that the accusation was a mistake. That was a misunderstanding.

I didn't know how much that would help Seifer. He wasn't particularly well liked and I was sure there were tons of people who wanted to punch him right in the face.

_Si sigues la palabra de Dios es su disiples. Y la verdad establecerá le libre._

I wanted to ask him so many questions. I wanted to ask him why he didn't come forward sooner and why he didn't defend his innocence. No sane person would have let themselves hang! What was wrong with him?

"I don't understand…if you were innocent why didn't you speak up?"

"I was too afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"Of what she would do."

_Ella fue expresiva... y hermoso._

"What are you talking about?"

"She was watching me," he quickly whispered under his breath. I was so confused then. What was he talking about?

"Who was watching you?"

"I can't give a name."

"Why?"

"She's been trying to kill me for a long time."

_Les doy la vida eterna y ellos nunca perecerá. Nadie le arrebató de mi mano._

At that moment I felt so sorry for him. I actually wanted to hug him. I didn't know what to say. It explained a lot of his behavior.

"I'm sorry," I admitted. "You must be so scared."

He shrugged. "That's my life."

_Ser sincero y libre. Limpiar usted mismo de cosas malas. Mantenga su confesión de su esperanza abiertamente para que otros pueden ser inspirados por ella. __No te olvides nosotros. Amor y hacer el bien_.

He said he was okay, but I could see behind his strong face. His eyes, they looked so scared! He was terrified but he was never going to tell anyone about his true feelings. I wanted to help him.

"Why can't you be honest? I know you're scared," I said plainly.

He blinked painfully. He was trying to figure out whether or not to tell me. He was probably wondering if I was someone he could trust.

"I'm fine," he stated. "I don't need anyone's help. I can do this all on my own."

I shook my head. Seifer always tried to act tall, when on the inside he felt so small. I wanted him to open up to me and share his feelings. I wanted us to have a friendship. I was still suspicious of his story…but I wasn't about to turn someone who needed help away. I really wanted to help him. Why wasn't he letting me in?

People always said they didn't need help, when they obviously did. They always wanted to be strong and do things on their own. It was odd, the people who seem the happiest…are actually the ones that carry the most dark secrets. The happiness was a way to shield their pain away from the prying eyes of the world.

_En el pasado y el mayor día... les dijeron si necesitaban algo que se podría solicitar._

We got to the Garden. Seifer was quiet the rest of the way. I really loved having him that way. He was an annoying brute. He always teased other people, and was rude to me. He mocked my love for Squall in the past and questioned my abilities a large portion of the time. He was a jerk, plainly!

He claimed he had changed. What? How was that possible? No one changed! It just couldn't be done. I didn't trust him or believe him.

He was hiding something, he wasn't telling the whole truth. I really wanted him to speak up and tell me. They would crucify him otherwise. People were not kind to war criminals.

People were not kind to anyone who was different. They were judgmental and rude. I was really sick of people.

They acted like they cared and then they tore your heart out. I never could trust again.

_No haga cosas malas cuando estás enojado. __Es un derroche de energía para hacerlo. __No dejes que esperanza dejo cuando las cosas son malas. No se dan en el odio._

When I first got sick, a lot of people abandoned me. These were people who I thought would be friends forever with me. I was wrong. The minute I got sick and couldn't be of use to them in any way…they ditched me.

I was all alone. They didn't care about me. It really hurt.

Then people called me a liar. They said I wasn't really sick. That I was using it as an excuse to manipulate other people.

I wished then I had gotten my diagnosis so I could shove it down their throats! I couldn't believe the attitudes of those people. How could they be so cruel?

I never lied about being sick. I never wanted to control anyone. I had been controlled enough by all my friends. I just wanted to be honest about what I was going through. I wanted to be free.

_El Señor es mi fuerza y de la canción de mi vida. Él me tomará lejos de todo este dolor._

Why couldn't people just accept me as I am? I am Quistis. I will always be Quistis. I love being the person I am. I wouldn't change it for the world.

I felt sorry for the people who left me. They were missing out on a great person.

If more people were like me…this world would be a better place. That was all I knew.

_Una mujer amable obtiene la felicidad y los hombres violentos obtener riquezas. Un hombre que es amable beneficia a sí mismo, sino un hombre cruel duele a sí mismo._

I wanted to sleep for a hundred years but I had a job to do. Once the job was done I didn't know if I even wanted to sleep. Sleep was never enough. I felt exhausted and stretched hopelessly thin.

It was getting hard to keep up with Seifer. He was in great shape….and I was not. Well, I was thin but my body felt otherwise.

It felt tired and old. It was as if I were 80 instead of 19. What a cruel trick!

_Nosotros siempre estamos probando._

I was always being tested. I was being tested right now. Tomorrow I would be tested in a way I did not understand.

Life was tricky. Life was sneaky.

A lot of things I got I did not ask for.

I hoped I could regain my honor by helping Seifer. I only hoped he wasn't a lost cause.

_"En todas las cosas que he demostrado usted que por el trabajo duro de esta manera debemos ayudar a los débiles y recordar las palabras del Señor Jesús, cómo él mismo dijo 'Más It es bendecido para dar de recepción'."_

Walking inside Garden was awkward to say the least. Seifer got a lot of stares and glares. It was apparent that no one really wanted him there. I felt sorry for him. I could relate to his feelings. I didn't feel like a lot of people wanted me around either.

Sometimes….I felt like people would rather I never call them or visit them. They always seemed so annoyed at my presence. I wanted friends and a listening ear, but when I saw how they acted when I told them how I really felt…I felt like I was better off keeping my mouth shut.

"Where's Cid?" Seifer asked.

"Cid?" I was confused. "Squall is the commander. You answer to him."

"Oh, Squall," he smirked. "Your lover boy."

"He's not my lover boy…you know very well that he is married to Rinoa."

A frosty silence began. I was so angry then. Why did he have to bring that up? Now another wound was painfully opened. I just wanted to forget that pain, but it wasn't possible. I was all alone and Seifer was making it painfully obvious. What a jerk he was! I really wanted to punch him in the face!

"What the hell? Seifer what are you doing here?" Xu asked, completely taken aback by Seifer's presence.

"He's here to see Squall," I explained. "Don't ask any more questions, it gets way too complicated."

The elevator ride up was beyond awkward. "So what's her problem?" he asked casually.

"You're here," I replied bluntly. "She hates your guts!"

He shrugged. "Well, that's her loss. I'm a great catch."

"Yeah, sure you are."

"You don't think so?"

"Sorry I don't get into relationships with convicts."

"I'm not a convict."

"Whatever…"

"Really, I'm not!"

We got up to the third floor and made it into Squall's office. Boy, this was going to be so awkward! Squall and Seifer were rivals. I bet they were still rivals now. This was going to crash and burn!

_Para quien sabía antes, él también predestinado a ser conformado a la imagen de su hijo, que podría ser nacido en primer lugar entre muchos hermanos._

Squall was stoic like he usually was. He looked extremely surprised to see Seifer. "What are you doing here?" he asked, raising his voice a decibel.

Seifer didn't look frightened. He always had that smug arrogance to him. He knew he could do whatever he wanted. He could break any rule. No one would ever get in his way. He couldn't push and pull forever.

"What do you think? I'm here to join the military." The statement was made with a strong voice. No matter what, Seifer always stood tall. Even if he had to stand alone.

"Do you really think we'll want you?" Squall asked coldly. The air instantly became chilled. There was a negative presence in the air. They were going to have a verbal fight.

"I don't think that I know," Seifer snapped. "You may look tough but you're still the same guy I knew on the inside. You're just like me. Just accept it."

Squall narrowed his eyes. "No I'm not. Unlike you I actually made something of myself!"

I shook my head in vain. "Please stop this fighting. Let's be nice for one minute. Squall, give him a chance. If he doesn't work out…then you can send him to jail."

Seifer gave me an alarmed look. I knew he didn't want to go to jail. Squall sighed. "Fine," he relented. "But Quistis….you are going to watch Seifer!"

My eyes widened. "What?"

"You're going to accompany Seifer," he repeated.

"I can't do that!"

"You will…your job depends on it."

I sighed….oh crap!

_Hermanos y hermanas que no queremos que sea uninformted acerca de aquellos que duermen en la muerte, para que usted no afligimos usted como el resto, que no tienen ninguna esperanza._

Seifer and I didn't talk for about 40 minutes after that awful meeting. I couldn't believe Squall. First he broke my heart, now he was sending me off with a heathen. I didn't think I would ever forgive him.

"What's the mission?" he asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know."  
"So what, we're gonna twiddle our thumbs?"

He made me so angry. "No," I replied. "We're going to talk to Xu she'll help us out."

"Xu hates me."

"Everyone hates you Seifer."

Xu was note thrilled about hiring Seifer for a cause, for any cause really. "I can't believe this crap," she said to herself. "Well….you could go to Timber and see what jobs they have for you there."

I sighed. "Those wouldn't sufficiently challenge him," I stated. "We want to challenge Seifer so he can prove himself to other people."

She shrugged. "If you want that you're going to have to train," she warned.

Seifer cracked an arrogant smile. "Of course…that sounds fun."

_Tengan piedad de mí... llevar mis pecados._

I didn't think that was what she had in mind. Seifer didn't want to train. He didn't want to do anything. He seemed more intent on killing rogue monsters in the training arena. I of course had to come with him.

It was hard for me to get excited. Seifer was my age. He wouldn't be able to become a SeeD. His 20th birthday was coming up fast. There would be no time for him to study and ace the test.

He would just be a regular soldier.

I thought he would like that. He just doesn't have it in him to be a leader. Seifer was strong and had a will of steel.

If I had that will, I would be okay. But I didn't. I was sick and slow. I would be fired one day, I knew it.


End file.
